Simon Says – September 2010

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Dear Simon,
I have been with my boyfriend for quite some time but recently met someone for a one-off while he was away. I don’t know why I did it, I think after eight years I just felt like I had lost my freedom. As soon as it was done I regretted it and wanted to forget it. I thought it was all in the past until my boyfriend threw a dinner party and one of his mate’s new partners was none other than this guy. Not only did it make the whole dinner party really awkward, he then spoke to me and said that he wouldn’t mind another go and if I didn’t maybe he would let our little secret slip. Now I don’t know what to do.
James, Cardiff

Dear James,
Blimey this sounds quite complicated. The first thing you don’t want to do, and I genuinely don’t think you do want to do this again, is have any second enactment with this guy. Now comes the complicated bit. First up I think you might have to tell your partner, you don’t want secrets between the two of you and you certainly don’t want someone else telling him this. You may also want to let your friend know that he is going out with a bit of a rogue character.

Dear Simon,
My boyfriend of two years has asked me to marry him. I should have been overjoyed but actually I was quite petrified. It’s not that I don’t love him, because I really do, nor is it that I want don’t want to marry him eventually… it’s just I am not sure that I want to do it now. His face seemed to fall apart a little bit when I said I needed to think about it. We are both only in our early twenties and I just don’t think we need to do it now, but how do I say no without hurting him?
Paul, London

Dear Paul,
I think you simply need to talk to the guy. It’s good you didn’t instantly say no and run away screaming but you might want to clarify why you needed to think it all over. This might be a difficult conversation and you’ll need to be gentle with his feelings but I think it’s one that is necessary in order to sort things out. I would explain that you do want to marry him one day, its just that you see that in the years ahead not right now. Also, couldn’t you just have a very long engagement? Lots of couples do that nowadays.

Dear Simon,
I have been seeing my boyfriend for ages, the thing is he is married and his wife and he still haven’t gotten around to getting a divorce. I know they are separated, and he lives with me, as they are still friends and we have even been around there for dinner, she’s lovely. I just want them to do it so he is free for me at a later date. I don’t want to put pressure on him because that could really backfire on me. It’s a tricky one; I just want him to be totally free.
Tim, Derby

Dear Tim,
I think it’s great that you have a good relationship with the woman who will hopefully become his ex wife and you can’t really think there is anything going on there if she is aware of the situation. Maybe there are financial reasons they can’t get divorced yet? Maybe just sit and talk with every body about how things are over dinner, but don’t mention you want them to hurry up. He might not want to get married for quite some time and if he thinks you are already thinking that way… it could be as daunting as it is endearing.

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