By Jason, Tantra4Men, (Diplomas in Counselling and in Tantra)
I was at Brighton Pride recently where we had for the first time a stand to promote Tantra. It is the first time that I have promoted Tantra in what I would call the gay main stream because typically up to now I have only promoted Tantra4GayMen to those who have made an express interest in knowing more about us.
What I found interesting was that some people just perceived Tantra as sex. And when they were asked if they wanted a flyer, would say things like “Oh no, I don’t want anything like that”. I have no judgments about that because everyone is a free being. But, it made me ask the question “is Sex wrong?” Equally over the last few weeks I have seen in various online communities different views that Tantra can be too sexualised. That the form of Tantra we teach can be too focussed on the sexual.
I spent some time reflecting on this and to check in with my core about my view and attitudes to sex. Sex for me has so many judgements, guilt and shame attached to it. It is often not talked about very much, and when people do, it can often be about their negative experiences of sex. I rarely hear people say about some amazing sex that they had over the weekend. It seems that great sex in some ways is a taboo topic?
If I come back to my core being, back to my physicality, at a very basic level, when I or others stimulate my cock I get pleasurable feelings. It feels nice, it feels good and it feels yum! So I kind of wonder where, if I am listening to that base message that my body is telling me this is a pleasurable physical act, when did sex become so wrong?
What happens from the physical sensation in my cock, to my brain that can then tell me that sex is wrong? I wonder if sex were a more open topic that we discussed, would it cause such hang-ups for us?
I make it my business to experience as many different forms of sex as possible. As a Tantra Teacher, how can I resonate, understand, empathise with different men’s perspectives on sex if I only practice the highest forms of Tantric Sex.
Sometimes I hear people say that they only want to experience sex with their partner. And that’s great, but for me it doesn’t preclude the opportunity to experience this pleasure with others. It can be a deeply enjoyable experience, sensation, energy exchange. Shared in a loving relationship is brilliant, I share it with my partner, Ingo. However does that stop me sharing different kinds of pleasure with others. Does it change the way that I love and feel about Ingo. For me, in my experience, No.
For me, being Tantric, means that we allow ourselves to experience all the different kinds of sex that we want in that moment. You may have heard about Chakra’s, we have 7 of them, each resonating at a different frequency/vibration, like a note on piano. In Tantra, this creates for me the opportunity to experience 7 different types of orgasm. For me, being Tantric, is about allowing myself to experience all the different forms of sex. Sex for me is an expression of “Who I Really Am”, because in a sexual state, my brain can’t control, give judgements or take heed of any programming but instead, in my sexual state, my physicality, my humanness, I can only respond with the sensations and energy in that very moment.
When I started to engage in sex with a man, I found that I didn’t want it to be just “genital stimulation”. What I did was to go inside myself, and really allow myself to feel. To feel this man’s touch of his hand on my chest, to feel the hair on his legs, to feel his shoulders, his head, his ears, to connect my sexual energy from the whole of my body. When I focussed inside, it was like a dance of energy swirling around my body that was beautiful, ecstatic and a true expression of the freedom of my soul. My soul danced, breathed, yelped and when our energies combined the intensity of sensation filled up my inner core, up through my chakra centres that brought a heightened state of pleasure than what can be experienced from just “genital sex”. It got to a point where it did not matter whether I ejaculated or not, because the energy had already been exchanged and danced through our physical bodies. This isn’t to say that genital sex, focussed in the base of our bodies is wrong, it feels important to me that we allow ourselves to experience all forms of sex, sexual energy. Through this sexual energy we allow this to connect higher and higher until it reaches our spirituality and then even more doors of magic, of Tantra can open.
I left that experience feeling good. My physical body had received pleasure, connection, intimacy and touch. How can that be wrong? Is it our application of sex, our thinking that gets in the way of us experiencing true pleasure? If as a physical sensation it was pleasurable, good, what could possibly make that wrong. When you add intimacy to that to, again what can make that wrong?
Tantra is about using your sexual energy as a gateway to your spirituality. Long live a positive approach to sex.