Savidge Opinion – In Old Drawers Lie Old Secrets…

We all know that the men we meet will have had a sex life before we came on the scene (pun not intended). There are of course rare instances when this might not be the case. You know that there have been ex’s that will have come and gone (again no pun intended) before you, as your relationship progresses and you spend more time at theirs. Maybe rooting through their things, you might find a picture or a gift/card and you get that slight green-eyed monster feeling but move on. Well, imagine you have a sneak peek in the odd drawer and discover over 200 condoms, several bottles of lube and various sex toys?

This wasn’t me you understand. No really, my man only had about 70 in his drawers and a few cock rings but a friend of mine, who when he discovered this, faced the question that always makes you feel a bit odd – ‘Was my boyfriend a complete slag in his past?’ It shouldn’t matter of course because they are with you now. Yet it niggles in your brain and the image of many a random bedfellow becomes much worse competition than a few exes here and there.

‘At least they were having safe sex’ I quipped, as one of my friends hurriedly necked a fifth vodka and coke close to tears. Because there is that fact, if it’s safe and no one is getting hurt it shouldn’t really be an issue. ‘It’s not like you found a sling and a walk-in closet that had been converted into a dungeon.’ (We have all been there haven’t we? No? Just me then.) My friend agreed but he also had a fear that his new boyfriend might not find him exciting enough. Could monogamous shagging, no matter how varied in positions, exertions, situations etc. ever match up to a different dick every few days? Would the familiar become boring?

Really, the past is the past. We shouldn’t judge the new person we are with on what we learn from their life prior to us. We should judge them (yes we all judge so don’t say you don’t) on their behaviour and actions that follow. I explained how recently I was worried that my new man might do a runner when he knew I had been married and hadn’t gotten a divorce yet, though we had been separated for over a year. In fact, I had a panic attack about the whole thing – drama queen that I am. Yet my new friend surprised me and gave me hope when he said, “At least that was a relationship, it showed you wanted commitment from someone… even if it did go horridly wrong.”

It’s true I guess. I would rather date a serial monogamist than a serial shagger, the signs for a future together are better. The simple fact is you just have to see how it goes, and that was my advice to my worried friend. A few months down the line my friend checked and only the condoms they had bought together since they met are in the drawer. “There you go,” I cheerfully said, “I told you that there was nothing to worry about, he must have chucked the other ones out.  I mean no one could use that many condoms in a month or two could they?” Yet even as I said in an attempt to allay his fears, a small shadow of worry still flashed over my friends face.