Savidge Opinions: Why I Don’t Date Stunning Men

In his first new series of opinion pieces for Bent, Simon Savidge ponders the pros and cons of dating “good looking” guys.

As someone who works in the gay media I am aware that one of the things we celebrate is the body beautiful. It’s nice to look at after all, but is it so nice to date? Before any of you cheeky bitches readers say: ‘”Who does he think he is… thinking he can date hotties?” Well, my ex was a personal trainer. My friends would say: ‘”It must be lovely going out with someone so buff, I bet people stare at him and you must feel a bit smug”. Erm, no actually, as lovely as it is having a handsome man on your arm, the incredulous looks of ‘really, he’s with him’ or even worse, when they start to  flirt with your other half while ignoring you or giving you the evils.

Fortunately, I am not a jealous person, but I can only imagine how draining and mentally damaging being with a stunner could be if you were. For instance, you might start getting jealous and think they are sleeping when they aren’t, which will invariably lead them to living with a green-eyed harridan only pushing them towards some strangers arms. Another possibility is that you start to make your insecurities ‘jokes’.  You know ‘the beauty and the beast’, filling your insecurities with self-deprecating line of humour, which when gets a laugh leads to think ‘oh my god, they really think that about me’. Not a win win situation at all.

But it’s not just social events or the mental side-effects that can be awkward there is your home life too should it work out. First is the smell. Protein shakes not only give people the worst breathe, there is the gassiness. I mean it’s all very well looking like a Greek god but you don’t need to smell like an overheated Greek sewer to attain it. Then there is the lack of sex life, which as you fancy them rotten, you want to be non-stop. You find yourself lying waiting in bed for ages hoping for some nookie only to discover they have already finished themselves off in the mirror, or they’ve spent  so long preening in front of it that you have fallen asleep waiting. Thirdly, who wants to date someone who doesn’t enjoy (and by that I mean make more than five visits) to an all-you-can-eat buffet, either because they will judge you across the table or you don’t see them again for a few days as they have locked themselves in the gym for eternity to ‘work it off’.  

Yet I fall for it again and again. Only mere months ago was I wooed by someone I deemed ‘out my league’. Sure enough a weekend of bliss and I didn’t hear from them again, they had moved on, wanted prettier. So it’s no surprise that when I was asked out by a hottie on Twitter recently, with 2000 following gay fans (oh the hate mail that could come) I was hesitant… but maybe I should give this hot guy a chance? I mean he has a lovely face after all!

You can follow Simon on Twitter @cavemctave