Every year at Christmas we get unwanted gifts. But what about on Valentine’s Day? We thought of the most unexpected, inappropriate and poorly planned gifts we’ve received over the years for your delectation.
10. A whip, chains and a gag, which of course he wants you to wear. And there you thought he was only interested in a bit of slap and tickle. The only solution is to go all dominant and make him wear the clobber instead.
5. A laminated copy of Sex for Dummies (Miniature Edition). We responded by shoving all 128 pages where fucktards take it best and pointing out the irony of him giving us a miniature edition. At least you can wipe it clean afterwards.
3. A Happy Meal. Some of us might look like we enjoy fast food a little too much, and we all love a good toy, but this week McDonald’s were giving away Mr Potato Head when we really wanted Buzz Lightyear. Get it right!
1. The Moluccan Cockatoo. It’s officially one of the noisiest birds in existence. It’s also one of the most long-lived (at 80 years). So when the relationship is dead and gone, you’ll still be clearing out crap from some shrill loudmouth who’s always ruffling feathers.