Diagnosing the Doctor

By Alex Wiggan

Lots of boys have a fear of going to the doctors.  Although they have no such hang ups about whipping their bits out to a fella they met in a club after necking a bottle of WKD, going to see a professional is a whole other matter.  It’s a shame then that the average medical professional isn’t a time-travelling eccentric with a habit of picking up companions on his travels.   You see if he was then chances are his surgery would be chock-a-block, because one such Doctor has amassed a pretty big gay following, and it’s not hard to see why.  Ok, he might not have a PHD, but somehow putting your life in his hands would always seem the right thing to do.  Maybe it’s because David Tennant was so damn foxy or because Matt Smith looks like he shops in Topman?  Or maybe it’s simply because the concept of Doctor Who is so amazingly gay!

Since hitting screens in 1963 the Doctor has had more facelifts than an ageing scene queen and despite his advancing years still manages to get out and about on a Saturday night and attract a fair bit of attention.  He’s single, doesn’t like to be tied down, has been around the block and back a few times, is friends with Kylie and gets on well with girls; but only as mates.  After all who wouldn’t want a Fag Hag like Donna Noble helping you prop up the bar in the early hours of the morning?  Ok, so the Doctor did seem to have a thing for Rose Tyler, but he never really got it on with her, so that little episode can be chalked up to him being a bit ‘confused’.  We’ve all been there at one time in our lives, and when he realised he couldn’t be the one to make her happy he at least gave her a double of himself to keep her occupied and off the streets.  What a trooper!

The Doctor dresses how he feels comfortable despite what others may think and whether suited and booted or awash with a multi-coloured ensemble he has managed to reflect all the different facets of a bloke, meaning that there’s always going to be one version of him that floats a boy’s boat. There’s the grumpy yet groomed gent, the childlike dandy, and even the sporting one who borders on dressing like a lesbian.  Whatever the era he’s constantly been reinventing himself to move with the times and in doing so he’s had to fight some demons and monsters to move on with his life.  Ok so he’s had some times where he’s fallen out of fashion with a few people and had to take a break from the spotlight, but after a bit of time away from all the attention he was able to get back out there bigger and better than before.

He’s also had to deal with bitchy comments from his acid tongued rival the Master, who has been on the scene almost as long as he has, yet hasn’t managed to do it with as much grace.  People always seem to go along with what the Master has said, but no one really seems to like him that much and this has caused him to constantly compete with the Doctor on many occasions.  The simple answer would have been for the two of them to sit down in a room together and have a civilised chat over a bottle of Lambrini, but boys will be boys after all and so it’s been handbags at dawn for years.  Thing is we all know they secretly like each other and the dispute probably escalated after a misunderstanding involving one too many cocktails and who got to hold the Doctor’s Sonic Screwdriver.  Oh and let’s not even go into what’s bugging queen Davros and his army of metallic bitches.

Over the years the Doctor has bumped into a few gay icons such as Kate O’Mara, Barbara Windsor and of course housewives favourite John Barrowman and even now that he’s had another little makeover the chances are it won’t be long before he bumps into a few more.  One day his adventurous escapades will come to an end and he may even settle down, but the memories of all the wild nights and fun times spent burning the candle at both ends will remain forever.  For now though let him be the star of Saturday nights and be happy that he’s flying the flag for all the guys out there who like their men in all different shapes and sizes (and bow ties).  The Doctor might not be able to cure that thing growing on your ‘special area’, but he’ll at least understand your need to go out and have a good time.

Doctor Who – Saturday Night – BBC1

Photos: BBC/ Todd Antony/Adrian Rogers