Advice – Simon Says

Dear Simon,

My best friend is driving me insane ever since he met his latest boyfriend. Everything is a drama and I get phone calls, emails and texts almost daily filled with worry about how the relationship is going, how he might not have had a text for a whole day and should he do this or should he do that? The thing is he has only been dating this guy for about three weeks and it’s the only subject of conversation. What do I do, I want to be a friend but at the same time I want to be able to talk about normal things.

Paul, London

Dear Paul

It sounds like your friend is quite insecure and, who really at the start of the relationship isn’t? Contacting you about not being texted is slightly obsessive but the best thing you can do is firstly be there for him as you are mates, secondly just try and change the conversation after three minutes each time he starts obsessing over it all.If he doesn’t stop then maybe just ask if you can change the subject. It is early in the relationship to be obsessing over these things but all relationships go at different paces, so maybe it will even out soon.

Dear Simon

I have a friend who has moved into my flat. I originally agreed to two weeks for free (which my other friends thought was mad) it has now been four weeks and, though I have mentioned that he should really be contributing towards the rent, he isn’t. Mind you this guy can’t even seem to buy milk, toilet roll or really anything to share and keeps eating the food that I cook when I get home, or hinting I should cook for him. It is leaving me out of pocket as well as questioning just what sort of a friend he is. What should I do? I should mention he is looking at flats.

David, Edinburgh

Dear David

This is one of the pesky things that can happen from time to time and just shows what different people we all are. I know many people who have been in both your shoes  and the common practise seems to be that the person staying contributes some money a week for bills (and communal items) and maybe a bit extra just as common courtesy. It does sound a little like your friend is slightly abusing the situation and I think a sit down and a chat is the only way forward, it’s your house after all. You’re not his slave so tell him to get his finger out… or get out.

Dear Simon

I don’t know what to do about one of my friends. Whenever he meets a man he vanishes. You won’t hear from him for weeks, maybe months at a time and yet sure enough when the relationship breaks down he is on the phone within a day or two. It’s getting quite predictable and I don’t think or friendship will ever be what it once was. The thing is do I tell him or the next time he vanishes off and then calls after a few months simply stop answering them?

Ryan, Leeds

Dear Ryan,

I think we are all guilty of having gone quiet on friends and wrapping ourselves in the world of a new love almost to the point of excluding others, sometimes you just can’t help it when you are smitten. I think the normal time this is allowed to happen is maybe two months max, after that really it’s just rude! It’s also not on to then just phone everyone you haven’t spoken to for months because you’re single. Maybe once in the history of our love lives this is acceptable… in this case the regularity begs the question of what he wants friends for? Just as cushions for comfort when things go wrong? It sounds like you have had enough and maybe telling him how you feel is the way forward, what have you too loose?