So the BIG question is… would your swear allegiance to the Queen? There might be a debate as to which queen one should be swearing at… the Queen of Pop, Queen of Soul, Queen of Disco… or that aging queen who monopolises the local gay bar… you get the idea… but would you be happy to pledge allegiance to our Monarch? The furor this proposal created I think more or less means the idea is dead in the water, and Lord Goldsmith, who came up with this particular brainwave, now claims that it wasn’t a real suggestion at all… merely a way of bringing Britishness to the fore. In many areas of the world I’m sure that swearing all kinds of things to a beloved country is expected but here in the UK I like to think we are less dogmatic than that and need a real reason for doing something rather than ‘The Government want us to do it.” Before long people would be shouting “unpatriotic” to those who disagree and that leads to all manner of problems. I’ll put it on record now – I dislike the concept of Patriotism. Mainly because it stops any questioning of motives… and let’s face it, politicians of varying hues are not above abusing this particular concept for their own agenda. As a lad in the Boy Scouts I seem to remember swearing an oath to honour God, Queen and Country and I’m not sure if now I’m no longer in that particular youthful outfit, am I still honour-bound by my innocent promise?
Meanwhile, let’s hear it for Bishop Joseph Devine of Motherwell… a certifiable nut job in a frock. This henchman of the Catholic faith claimed that the gay community had launched what he called; a “conspiracy” against Christian tradition, aligned itself with minorities (Holocaust victims) it wasn’t entitled to do so and was generally getting a voice it shouldn’t have. Well Bish, tough luck. You were born a couple of hundred years too late (the Inquisition wasn’t a good thing you know) and the conspiracy of which you speak has been perpetuated by your church for far too long. So, in the words of my Old Grandma… “Go Fuck Yourself”. Oops… I think I’m becoming a Catholic Bishop… intolerant and out of control!
The boss had to fire somebody, and he narrowed it down to one of two people, Dave or Jack. It was an impossible decision because they were both super workers. Rather than flip a coin, he decided he would fire the first one who used the water cooler the next morning. Dave came in the next morning with a horrible hangover after partying all night. He went to the cooler to take an aspirin. The boss approached him and said:
“Dave, I’ve never done this before but I have to lay you or Jack off.”
“Could you jack off?” he says “I feel like shit.”