Dear Simon – June 2010

Dear Simon
I’m in love with another guy who has a boyfriend, but he kissed me, and told me if he wasn’t with his boyfriend he would be with me. This has been going on for a while now, though we have never done more than have the odd snog now and again. However, I have since heard that he has asked his boyfriend to marry him, I’m so hurt and confused. I knew he had a boyfriend but I guess I always thought that we would get together in the end.
George, Edinburgh

Dear George,
If you are going to have dalliances with people who already have partners then you should know the score, and that it is very, very rare they will leave that person for you and you could, and most likely will be, just a bit of excitement and fun. Or you could be being kept as a standby if things go wrong. Either way you seem to be coming of second best and is that what you really want? I think really this is all for the best as now you can pick yourself up, dust yourself down and go and meet someone who only wants to be with you.

Dear Simon
There is a guy that I have been chatting online to for ages. We seem to get on really well and fancy each other and have even gotten a little intimate via the power of Skype once or twice. We actually live quite close however, we don’t ever seem to meet up. We have spoken on the phone a few times, text now and again but when it comes to meeting it all goes a little quiet and though we have agreed to meet a few times it always gets cancelled. I don’t know if I should just give up or keep trying, what do you suggest?
Dean, Manchester

Dear Dean
Hmmm, I don’t think I would pin your hopes on this being the love of your life if you can’t even meet up. Chat lines are indeed a great way of meeting people but remember, no matter how honest and upfront you might be, others do not necessarily think that way. It could just be that he is shy, very busy or it could mean he is married. If the cancellations are many and varied just accept it for what it is… a bit of fun on the phone and that he has no intention of meeting up… it’s not what HE wants. That doesn’t mean that you can’t just be internet friends though. I don’t see or talk to some of my best friends as much as I do some of my chat buddies… it’s just different kinds of friendships.

Dear Simon
I started dating a guy a few months ago. I really, really like him and we have been having great fun together getting to know each other. The only thing is that he won’t talk about the past and yet I know he has quite a bit of baggage. I always said I wouldn’t date someone with baggage and then I met Steve and he is just so great I didn’t care. The problem is he shuts up about anything before we met and it feels like he is doesn’t trust me or is keeping secrets from me and that’s not great foundations for a relationship. I am wondering if this relationship can actually go anywhere, should I just give up?
Chris, Derby

Dear Chris
Baggage can be one of the biggest killers of a relationship but unless you know what that baggage is you’ll never know if Steve is the guy for you. Now it might be that in his past he has a shameful secret or he might believe that the past has nothing to do with you… his future and that he’s making a new life and doesn’t need those memories of his past to interfere. He could believe that it is far too early in your relationship to bother you with his past and he’ll open up to you when he feels more secure in the relationship… after all you don’t know if he was hurt by someone because he was too open to begin with. Either way you have to decide for yourself what is more important to you… the past or the future.